A Real NCO
1. Can cuss for ten minutes without ever repeating a word.
2. Has a spine.
3. Can play a cherry Lieutenant like a finely tuned instrument.
4. Can see in the dark.
5. Has eyes in the back of their heads.
6. Still don’t trust the Russians.
7. Still hate the French.
8. Doesn’t know how to be politically correct.
9. Doesn’t give a damn about being politically correct.
10. Thinks that “politically correct” should fall under “sodomy” in the UCMJ.
11. Love deployments because there is less paperwork and more “real” work.
12. Can run 4 miles with a hangover, but can’t pass a tape test.
13. Does not fear women in the military.
14. Would actually like to date G.I. Jane.
15. Still knows how to use a buffer.
16. Can tell you anything you want to know about an M1911A1 even though they are no longer in the inventory.
17. Believes that they do have a rendezvous with destiny.
18. Believes that “Nuts” wasn’t all the Brigadier General McAuliffe said to the Germans at Bastogne.
19. Doesn’t know how to use a “stress card”.
20. Idolizes John Wayne.
21. Doesn’t believe that AAFES really needs a “commander”.
22. Can remember when faggots weren’t a “minority group”.
23. Would have paid money to see Custer getting his clocked cleaned.
24. Really doesn’t like taking shit from those who haven’t “been there”.
25. Knows how to properly construct a field latrine.
26. Knows how to do a daisy chain.
27. Knows that a daisy chain is not a sex act.
28. Might admire the Germans, but still realizes they got their asses kicked.
29. Aren’t afraid of the Chinese, who probably don’t have enough rowboats to invade Taiwan.
30. Would rather be OPFOR than MOPP-4.
31. Doesn’t believe a damn thing the Iraqis say.
32. Doesn’t need a GPS to find themselves.
33. Have enough BDU’s in their closet to start a surplus store.
34. Think that MRE’s taste good (with a little hot sauce).
35. Are convinced that “wall to wall” counseling really works.
36. Have more time on the frontline that most others have in the chow line.
37. Knows how to make coffee when the measuring scoop goes missing.
38. Knows that it’s not good coffee when you can see through it.
39. Doesn’t blame poor marksmanship on their M-16/M-4.
40. Knows that shitty leaders will always say they have shitty soldiers.
41. Never takes a word from any officer without a hard copy.