Category: Humor

The Lobster Song

Does anyone remember this song?
Submitted by: Steve Bosshard 2095724 ’64-’68 RVN

Sgt. Grit,
In your May 27th Newsletter a Sgt Wackerly BB64 USS Wisconsin ’53-’56 talked about the Lobster Song. I think this might be the one he and his buddies used to sing in the slop chute at Gitmo I was tens later and we used to sing “I’m moving on.” Sample: See Victor Charlie in the grass playing burp gun boogie on my young ass, I’m moving on, I’ll soon be gone.I’m hauling ass I’m getting gas I’ll soon be gone.(or something like that) Does any one out there know all the choruses? read more

Boot Camp Joke

Recruit gone AWOL

As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL. A search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor’s office. The instructor asked the young recruit, “Why did you go AWOL?” read more

Contributions of the Irish

Contributions of the Irish
provided by 1stLt Gerald Merna

While this recent St. Patrick's Day email message forwarded from my Brother Jim (who got it from his friend who received the original) is a 'tad' long, it is not only priceless but also chock-full of colorful Marine Corps History that many of us, including me, were not aware of. I'd bet your Marine readers and their families would love to know, recall or learn of these historical gems of Irish Marine lore, humorously related as only a real Irishman could. (For privacy reasons, I have omitted the name of personal friends of the writer. The writer is a senior retired Marine Corps Officer). read more

Short Stories From Heterich

Short Stories from Heterich

Herterich’s Autobiography

Joined A-Tks in 1952. After a short tour at ‘8th & V Joined 2nd Tks in late ’53’ just as they were receiving the new ‘M-48’. Over the next three years served in ‘A’ & ‘B’ ending with ‘Flames’. On my fitness report I asked for ‘Panama’, everyone said ‘You will never get it’, I did the next three years at Mar.Bks. 15th Naval District [Panama]. While in ‘Panama’ I put ‘1st Mar.Div.’ on my fitness report, againyou will never get it. ‘Everyone goes to camp lejeune’, when the orders came ——1st Tank Bn.. Three yearsthe first half with ‘Flames’, the second half with ‘H&S Co. Property [Supply]’ in the ‘Butler Bldg.’ above the ‘C.P.’. A year with ‘3rd Tanks’Flames. Back to ‘Camp Pendleton’ with ‘School Bn.’ on the ‘Ramp’ in the ‘Tool Room’. Against my wishesThree years Recruiting in Philadelphia. The next set of orders put me in ‘VN’SIXTY-SEVEN DAYS OVER AND BACK. The left eye ended up in the South China Sea, the Navy was kind enough to replace it with one with a beautiful MARINE CORPS EMBLEM. The new eye on occasion has raised some eyebrows. After the Hospital, back to School Bn.Tank School #407 & Machine Ranges. On one occasion during a ‘IG’ a Colonel inspecting [troops in ranks], stopped in front of me. Took one look at the ‘eye’, and that was the end of his inspecting the troops. Why he left I do not know! Retired ‘Not Fit for Duty in My Rank with 40% disability. read more

Sleeping With Snakes

Sleeping With Snakes
By Grady R. Stone
Date of story: 1963
HQ Batt., 1st Bat., 11th Marines, 1st Mar. Div.

During my six-year hitch with the Marines, I had many opportunities to sleep out in the boondocks in all types of terrain, from the sands of the Mojave Desert to the forests of Central America. And also, in all kinds of weather, from rainstorms in the mountains of California to summer nights on Veagus Island in the Caribbean. But the one time that stands out most in my memory, is the time I slept with a snake. read more

Marine Corps Humor: USMC vs. USN

Gunfights USMC V. USN
Recommended by: MSgt J. R. Cook, Ret.

USMC Rules for Gun fighting:

  • Bring a gun. Preferably two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.
  • Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
  • Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
  • Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
  • If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.
  • In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
  • If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.
  • Use a gun that works EVERY TIME. “All skill is in vain when an angel pisses in the flintlock of your musket.”
  • Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
  • Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
  • Have a plan.
  • Have a back-up plan, because the first one won’t work.
  • Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
  • Flank your adversary when possible and always protect yours.
  • Never drop your guard.
  • Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.
  • Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust…everyone else keep your hands where I can see them).
  • Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH…hesitation kills.
  • The faster you finish the fight, the less injured you will get.
  • Be polite. Be professional. And have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
  • Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
  • Your number one option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.
  • Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun the caliber of which does not start with a “4.”
    • read more

    Marine Corps Short Rounds

    “Don’t die for your country; make your enemy die for his”
    Author Unknown
    Submitted by: Sean Brauner Cpl USMC

    Air Force vs. Elite Force

    The following story circulated from a long forgotten source sometime during the extremely short 8 yrs, 9 mos, and 3 days of my enlistment: An Air Force Sergeant approached a Marine Sergeant outside an Enlisted Club to voice his disapproval after witnessing the seemingly harsh treatment the NCO had inflicted upon a young Lance Corporal. It seems the LCPL had over-indulged himself on beverages and had commenced a hands on demolition of the interior of the building before being hauled outside by the ear via one relatively large Marine Sergeant. Once outside, the SGT had apparently backhanded the LCPL in the back of his head/neck area, ordered him lock his drunken body at the position of attention , and proceeded to verbally reprimand the Devil-Pup in a manner befitting the behavior exhibited. When mission complete with the verbal full frontall assault, the SGT ordered the LCPL to return to the barracks and standby for the shock waves the following morning. Totally appalled by this public display, the Airman (with whom some credit should be given for having the fortitude to do so, however, the line between bravery and stupidity is reportedly very fine) approached the SGT and commented, “Hey Sergeant, don’t you think you were a little to harsh on that young man?” The SGT very calmly but firmly stated, “First of all, you’d better execute an about face and commence walking before you spring a leak, second of all, that’s exactly the kinda thing that makes men like me an ELITE FORCE and people like you, the Air Force.” Each party then silently parted, leaving with us yet another Corpsism which has been passed on from generation to generation. read more

    Marine Fishing on Guard Duty?

    GUARD DUTY
    Submitted by Cpl. Bill Hart, USMC.
    ANGLICO, 3rd Battalion, 6th Marines, 2nd Mar. Div., 1953-56

    This does not begin with ‘This is no shit…’ so it’s not a sea-story, it happened.

    In late February 1954 I was a young Marine on my first deployment and aboard USS Olmsted, APA 188. We’d tied up for 4 days in San Juan, PR, before continuing to Vieques for a couple of months of living in squad tents, field problems, live-fire exercises and liberty in picturesque Isabela Segunda. On our first day in port I caught guard duty. It was my 18th birthday and my 365th day in the Corps. The post that I was assigned to, from 2000 to 2400, was the fantail of the ship and I was wearing typical guard uniform; utilities, steel helmet, cartridge belt with attached bayonet and my M-1 rifle. Most of the Marines and ship’s company, except for watch-standers, had gone ashore on liberty, so it was a quiet night on deck. The only other person I’d seen aboard was a guy fishing about 20 feet or so away. I’d been on watch for a little over an hour when the guy walked over to me. read more